Brian Noeller
Marx
Eng. 134
Sec. 23
Saugus
They come pouring out of Los Angeles by the hundreds of thousands. Refugees seeking better neighborhoods and cheaper houses. The Santa Clarita Valley is home to nearly a half million people seeking sanctuary from the big city. Some of these refugees end up in Saugus. In Saugus housing is affordable and there is easy access to it[SM1].
Saugus is a suburban[SM2] community that is home to many people that commute 40 miles to Los Angeles for work. Saugus is a nice location for people wanting to live outside the city because it is on the southern side of the Grapevine mountain range. This makes the commute to Los Angles rudimentary by southern California standards. As more people accumulate wealth from working in Los Angeles, places like Saugus tend to grow as people buy houses in the suburbs to escape the city and find affordable housing.[SM3] This is a common trend throughout the state of California.
Saugus and Santa Clarita have more to them than housing, however. Magic Mountain, a popular amusement park and major landmark around the area, is located in close proximity to Saugus. In fact, when a person from Santa Clarita is asked where they are from, a common response is Magic Mountain.
Aside from the closeness to a popular amusement park, Saugus is a typical suburban town. It has a mayor, who[SM4] happens to be the principal of Saugus High School. Saugus has a town center [SM5]which is adjacent to the mall. Like most malls there are places to shop, eat, and socialize. Local restaurants include Tellys, Jimmy DeanŐs, and B.J.Ős for good meals. Houses are indistinguishable to the naked eye because they all have a similar color scheme and design. The only unique items in the residential districts are the names of the streets.
As more people desire to move to Saugus the open land around the town is getting smaller. Large property owners are selling their land t[SM6]o private developers that build housing over the former open ground. Tyler Jacobson, a long time resident of Saugus, remembers a time when oak trees were plentiful and there was plenty of space to go ride his bicycle. Times have changed. The oak trees are gone; the last one was taken out only after a man tried to save it by living in it for months[SM7].
The pavement keeps expanding. Overcrowded [SM8]schools result from unchecked expansion. Tyler noted that there was only a single high school in Saugus. Tyler has also noticed that traffic around his neighborhood has gotten heavier because his road is now connected to a newer part of town instead of just being a dead end. This cycle will not stop until Saugus runs out of land to develop.
The lack of open land is not the only reason Tyler does not find Saugus an attractive place to live.[SM9] Smog has always been a problem around the[SM10] Grapevine. Santa Clarita and Saugus are no exception. The brown haze is a product of the many cars on the road and the bad traffic that occurs around big cities. The smog gets blown north from Los Angeles and gets trapped in the Santa Clarita by the Grapevine. Smog is highly unhealthy for humans as well as a number of plants and animals. It affects the human respiratory system if constantly inhaled[SM11]. Michael Morrison, a Santa Clarita resident, says that his allergies are always bad at home, but they clear up in San Luis Obispo because of the cleaner air. As mentioned, Saugus is not a strenuous drive from Los Angeles; however, it is still driving to and from a big city. Slow traffic and traffic jams are common. Since desirable housing is located outside of the city, people need cars to get to and from their jobs. The brown haze is the price paid for the need to drive.[SM12]
A closer look at Saugus reveals something just as disturbing as the expanding pavement and the brown haze. The [SM13]ethnicity of the town is overwhelmingly Caucasian. Tyler states that the diversity closely resembles that of Cal Poly if not worse. [SM14]Aside from one exception, there is a notable but small number of Asian people, there is little diversity which has a tendency to make life bland. This world is full of different people and different cultures; a community that lacks diversity is cheating people out of connecting with their fellow man[SM15].
Many people call Saugus home. [SM16]For certain people the location and demography are ideal for living in and raising kids. However, for others, like Tyler, it lacks many tangible items like, clean air and open land, as well intangible items like a sense of diversity. Saugus may not be the worst place to live but it may not be the best either[SM17].
Page:
1
[SM1]Good
central idea
Page:
1
[SM2]no hyphen
Page:
1
[SM3]not just
to escape the city but to afford a place to live
Page:
2
[SM4]who not
whomŃI donŐt get the contrast between typical and atypical you present here.
Page:
2
[SM5]Vague and
uninformative
Page:
2
[SM6]Is the
town selling it or allowing large
property owners to do this?
Page:
2
[SM7]Good
detail!
Page:
2
[SM8]Good
introductory sentence
Page:
3
[SM9]make
transitions at beginning of new paragraph
Page:
3
[SM10]state
more concisely and clearly
Page:
3
[SM11]personal
experience or perspective on breathing smog would help here
Page:
3
[SM12]good
analysis, but needs to be connected to the attraction of the place mentioned
earlier
Page:
3
[SM13]good
transition
Page:
3
[SM14]the
demography isnt bad, itŐs the lack of diversity
Page:
3
[SM15]I think
so too, but a personal experience of this deprivation would help
Page:
4
[SM16]vague
sentence
Page:
4
[SM17]Brian,
please delete comments on revision so that it appears as clean copy. B